Dear God, Why Me?

As with most moms of young children, the concept of "Me Time" is somewhat of an oxymoron. If by "Me Time" you mean, the chorus of "Me, Mine, My" that I hear from my children each day then I have LOTS of "Me Time." If, on the other hand, you mean time which I spend doing something for myself...that is a different story. I love massages, pedicures, shopping trips sans strollers, and girls' night out as much as the next mommy, but as I was thinking about this topic I realized that my "Me" time is something else entirely.

Last December we were back in Omaha and we went to brunch with a group of our friends from college. As college friends go, we're a pretty well-connected group, but one woman was there that I haven't done a great job keeping up with. As she watched me navigate the intricate dining rituals of eating with a toddler and a nursing baby, her jaw was nearly slack. "I just can't believe it. If Nick and Chris (fellow physics majors in college) could see this they would never believe it!" she commented. While my closest friends know that I cultivated a secret nurturing side - I used to collect a few dollars from those interested and make an actual, non-dining hall meal on Kiewit 4 freshman year - those who knew me "professionally" saw a no-nonsense, often harsh and unforgiving person working toward law school.

Then, as it sometimes does, life took an unexpected turn. One husband and one baby later, I was faced with some new choices. I pondered, I prayed, I plugged through the early days of parenting. When we moved to Rochester, our "baby" was a thriving, walking, talking 11 month old, my husband had a good job and there were several law schools within an hour or so from our home. Decision time seemed to be looming just past the cardboard boxes.

I used to think that when someone spoke of motherhood as a vocation that they were tossing moms a bone, elevating the position "just to be nice." But I began to realize something entirely different. I realized that God gave me the talents that I have so that I could use them as a mother. I realized - much to my surprise - that I even liked being a mother. Even more, I realized that I didn't want anyone else mothering my children for me.

We have been fortunate that the Lord has provided for us during our girls' early years of childhood so that I can fulfill what I know to be my personal vocation. I am sure that life holds more than one purpose for me, but I feel confident that I am doing what I am supposed to be doing right now.

What is "Me" Time? Its the time I spend being what God truly intended "Me" to be. When my husband is contentedly working his crossword puzzle and my girls are curled into my lap with a stack of books, happily giggling...Me Time. Explaining why birds can sit on electrical wires and people can't...Me Time. Teaching my girls how to garden, or about the life cycle of a butterfly, or to thank God for the sunshine today...Me Time. Getting down on my knees with my babies at night, teaching them to pray...Me Time.

I am fortunate to be someone who loves her job. I definitely didn't get here by my own planning! Although any husbands reading this should keep in mind that sleeping in on Saturday morning and the occasional massage...well, those don't hurt anything.


Part of the Group Writing Project at MamaBlogga